


i get along without you very well

by reindeerjumper



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Eggsy Unwin is a Little Shit, Fluff, Getting Together, Harry Hart Lives, Intervention, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reindeerjumper/pseuds/reindeerjumper
Summary: Merlin and Harry, as far as Eggsy is concerned, are two of the biggest idiots he's ever met. For being two of the smartest people he knows, he can't believe that he has to play matchmaker to two mutually pining adults. Luckily for them, Eggsy is willing to do what he has to for their happiness.





	i get along without you very well

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Schuyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schuyler/gifts).



“You want to fuck him, don't you?”

Eggsy’s words hung in the air between himself and Harry, lingering like a specter. Harry had set his jaw, his eyes glinting in the lowlight of his living room as he swirled the amber liquid in his rocks glass without looking at it. Eggsy could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the blood pulsing like a freight train. 

“Excuse me?” Harry responded, an edge to his voice sending a nervous tingle down Eggsy’s spine. 

He took a fortifying sip of his whiskey before saying, “Merlin...you're in love with him, yeah?”

Harry narrowed his eyes before bringing his own glass to his lips. He didn't sip from it, though. Instead, he stared at Eggsy over the rim of it for what felt like an eternity. Just when Eggsy had started to brace himself for an onslaught of reprimands or a punch to the jaw, Harry spoke.

“That's a much closer sentiment to how I feel than your initial inquiry.”

Eggsy huffed a laugh, sinking back into the armchair and dragging a free hand down his face. “God, Harry, I thought you were going to punch me.”

“I considered it.” 

Eggsy quirked a lip at him, slumping a bit more in the chair as his legs splayed in front of him. It was funny how comfortable he’d become in Harry’s home. It had been a few months since bringing Harry back from Kentucky, and after much mental and physical rehab, he was practically back to his old self. Eggsy had been the only one to see the potential in Harry, despite Merlin’s steely-eyed gaze and Tequila’s constant jibing. 

It was Merlin’s closed-off demeanor that had piqued Eggsy’s interest in the whole matter. Since Harry’s “death”, Eggsy had caught Merlin more than once listening to weird old mixed tapes that had Harry’s familiar scrawl across the front of them. It was strange, then, that he had been so reserved upon finding Harry. Eggsy chalked it up to Harry’s noticeably different personality in that Kentucky cell--Harry was quiet and calculating, a glint of something very unsettling in his one good eye.

Months had passed, though, and Merlin was still as cool to Harry as ever. He greeted him with clipped tones and breezily went about business. It drove Eggsy insane, because despite Merlin’s valiant attempts at disinterest, there was no denying the secret besotted looks he directed towards Harry. Harry’s were almost as obvious.

Harry now took a sip of his whiskey before placing it on the arm of his chair. Eggsy looked at his elegant fingertips bracing against the rim of the glass, his hand peaked overtop of it like some kind of graceful spider. “So, how did you know?”

“Know what?” Eggsy asked coyly. 

“You know what.”

“Can’t say I do, guv.”

“You’re actually going to make me say it, aren’t you?” huffed Harry. Eggsy grinned at him and nodded. “How did you know that I’m... _ in love _ , with Merlin?”

“It’s pretty obvious, Harry,” replied Eggsy. Harry let out a groan and dropped his head back onto the chair behind him.

If Eggsy were to be honest, the clues started the night he stayed at Harry’s house during his trials. After drinking martinis in Harry’s living room, Harry had drunkenly guided him up to the guest room, which was nicer than his own bedroom back at the estates. Once he had thanked Harry and the door shut behind him, Eggsy had flopped down onto the mattress, his arms flopped up above his head. His brain had been swimming with alcohol and adrenaline, and just a touch of exhaustion that made the ends of his nerves buzz with a warm electricity. 

Instead of falling asleep, he had decided to snoop around a bit. The guest room was garden variety--the comforter on the bed was nondescript but well-cared for, and there was a small arrangement of framed Darwin sketches above the bed. A closet sat next to a set of drawers that Eggsy soon discovered held Harry’s winter jumpers and a few pairs of heavy trousers. He ran his hand along the top of the dresser, and was not surprised to find his hand devoid of any dust that may have collected on the wooden top. 

As he made his way along the wall where the dresser sat, he nonchalantly hooked a finger into the handle of the closet door. With one swift movement, he slid the door open and peeked inside. There were your typical odds and ends systematically shoved into the closet--a few overcoats that weren’t needed this time of year, some shoe boxes stacked on the floor, and an array of bins and boxes sitting on a shelf at the top of the closet. The boxes were what had caught Eggsy’s eye--on the front of each box, in Harry’s spiky, precise handwriting were different spans of time. The fist had  _ 1988-1992  _ written on it, and so on and so forth.

Eggsy quickly did the math in his head and realized that most of the boxes were of Harry’s early days in Kingsman. Unable to contain himself, he had grabbed the second box off of the shelf, the one labeled  _ 1993-1996 _ . He brought it back to the bed and idly flipped the lid onto the comforter next to him. Inside of the box were stacks and stacks of old photographs. They were all bound together with rubber bands, and Eggsy recognized Harry immediately in the ones that he could see.

Harry was young--beautiful--with a brilliant smile and a nebulous of curls on top of his head. Eggsy picked up one of the stacks and carefully undid the rubber band. As he flipped through, he started to notice that the photos were either of just Harry, or just Merlin, or Harry and Merlin together. Just like Harry, Merlin’s younger self was unmistakable. He was all sharp features and tight-lipped smiles, but the spark in his eye was clear as day in the photos. 

The more photos Eggsy flipped through, the more he noticed. Most of the photos were of the two men in casualwear, outside on the grounds of the Kingsman manor or in a tiny, cozy flat that Eggsy could only deduce as being one of theirs. Most of the ones of Harry were of him with a wide-mouthed smile, his head oftentimes thrown back and the perimeter of his body ever-so-slightly streaked with movement. Merlin’s portraits often just consisted of him smirking at the camera with his long, elegant middle finger straight up in the air, prominently framed in the photo. Here and there Eggsy came across a photo of them out with friends--he saw Percival and Bors, occasionally Lamorak--but the photos were mostly of the two of them.

As he had been snooping, he heard movement outside of his door, and he had hastily shoved all of the contents of the box back inside and slid it under the bed. Not seconds later, there was a tentative knock on the door and Harry’s soft voice on the other side. “Need anything, Eggsy?”

“No, Haz, I’m good,” he had replied, his heart tremoring in his chest as his palms sweat.

He could hear Harry let out an exasperated breath before saying, “Don’t call me that. I’ll see you in the morning.” Slowly fading footsteps of Harry’s slippers echoed down the hall, and Eggsy quickly returned the box back to its rightful place.

In the months that followed--especially after Kentucky--Eggsy thought about Harry’s photo collection often. At Merlin’s lowest, when he still thought Harry was dead, Eggsy had considered breaking into the Stanhope Mews residence to retrieve a photo or two to give to Merlin. There had been more than one occasion when Eggsy had barged into Merlin’s tech cave to find him lounged in his rolling chair, tie loose around his neck and his long fingers bracketed against the back of his head. Every time, his eyes were closed, his breath shallow, and Eggsy could always make out the faint sound of Massive Attack’s “Safe From Harm” playing on a speaker somewhere in the room. 

Eggsy had asked him once, about the weirdly nineties-centric mixes that Merlin listened to whenever he wasn’t handling an agent. They had listened to a cassette tape-- _ a cassette tape _ \--of Madonna and Paula Abdul and Depeche Mode on the plane to Valentine’s lair, and after Merlin had flipped the cassette once, the words fell out of Eggsy’s mouth before he could stop them.

“For fuck’s sake, Merlin, why the fuck are listening to these fossilized tunes? And you’re a tech wizard...are you ironically using that cassette tape, or were just not arsed enough to update the sound system in the  _ super spy jet you’re flying?” _

Merlin had turned his head around ever-so-slightly to glare at Eggsy over his shoulder. He had looked like an owl, head pivoted around and searching for his next victim. The look alone was enough to shut Eggsy up, and they spent the rest of the flight watching Merlin flip the cassette every thirty minutes.

After saving the world, Merlin seemed to tolerate Eggsy more than he had in the past. He allowed Eggsy to sit in the tech cave with him during his down time, under the circumstance that he touch absolutely nothing and not ask idiotic questions. 

Eggsy broke both rules constantly.

One one particularly boring afternoon, Merlin’s eyes trailed Eggsy as he meandered around the room. He would occasionally stop in front of a stack of binders on a desk, or fiddle with a piece of tech Merlin was working on. This always elicited a sound from the back of Merlin’s throat that sounded very close to a growl. It wasn’t until Eggsy happened upon a wooden rack with several tiny slots that Merlin’s normal growl came out as a choked, “No!”

Glancing over his shoulder towards Merlin, Eggsy smirked and said, “What’s so important about this, eh?” He turned back to the rack and leaned forward, his hands jammed in his pants pockets. Allowing his gaze to travel down each rack, he noticed that the wooden slots each held a cassette tape, much like the one Merlin had tortured him and Roxy with on the plane. On the front of each one were different titles-- _ Stuff To Dance To, Post Mission Blackout Drunk, Another Useless Mixtape, Painfully Twee Tunes-- _ but they weren’t in Merlin’s scrawl. Instead, the spiky, precise handwriting was immediately recognizable as Harry’s. 

“Merlin…” Eggsy trailed off, turning back around to face the handler. “What are these?”

Merlin’s face was pale as his green eyes fixed themselves on Eggsy. He was hunched over, defeated looking and tired.

“They’re mixtapes,” he said simply. His voice was rough and tight.

“But...why are they all in Harry’s handwriting?”

Merlin grimaced, his eyes closing briefly and--Eggsy could only assume--cursing the boy’s annoying habit of being so aware. “He made them for me,” he finally conceded, opening his eyes and setting his jaw.

“But there has to be, like, 40 of them,” Eggsy continued, turning back towards the rack. “That’s  _ commitment.”  _ He reached out a hand to pick one out of the rack, but Merlin’s voice echoed across the room as he shouted, “No you don’t!” Merlin appeared at his shoulder and shoved the cassette back into its slot, drawing his hand back as if it he had touched fire. 

“They’re all in chronological order and by genre, and I swear on my mother, Eggsy, if you mess it up, I will kill you.”

Eggsy had taken a few steps back, his hands held up at his sides with his palms facing Merlin. “Fair enough,” he had murmured. “I won’t touch it.”

They awkwardly stared at each other, Eggsy two steps from the door and Merlin protectively standing in front of his cassettes. Flicking a thumb over his shoulder, Eggsy continued. “Just gonna head out. I’ll talk to you later, Merlin, yeah?” Without waiting for his reply, Eggsy turned on his foot and left the room.

Two days later, Merlin found a photo on his desk. It was of him and Harry, walking along the streets of London. Harry’s hair was an absurd ball of fluff, all curls and dips that tempted Merlin on more than one occasion. His dimple was in full shadow, the flash of his big, square teeth in a crooked grin the center of the photograph. Next to Harry’s face was Merlin’s own, twenty years younger and with significantly less wrinkles. His smile wasn’t as unabashed as Harry’s was, but it was genuine. He had one arm slung around Harry’s shoulders, the other holding the camera out in front of them. 

Merlin hadn’t seen the photograph for almost twenty years, back when he had taken it himself. Silently, he brushed a thumb along Harry’s face, the smile on his lips unavoidable.

Peeking through the window in the door, Eggsy watched Merlin from the hallway as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, nimbly folded the photo in half, and slid it into the billfold. 

It was because of that little moment that Eggsy knew Merlin felt the same as Harry, and the whole reason he had even showed up at Harry’s for a drink was to set his plan into motion. He knew that Merlin could be a salty fuck, and Harry was more stubborn than he was, which is why Eggsy knew that if they were  _ ever _ going to get a move on, he’d have to involve himself.

He took the last swig from his tumbler with a hiss before smiling at Harry. Not one to be outdrank, Harry dumped the rest of his whiskey into his mouth and held out a free hand to Eggsy. Eggsy leaned forward and placed his glass in Harry’s hand as Harry asked, “Same thing?” Eggsy nodded, falling back into the armchair and crossing his hands across his stomach.

Harry stood up, giving his stiff joints an easy stretch before turning around. Eggsy watched him fondly as he retreated through the dining room and into the dimly lit kitchen. He scanned the spot where Harry had been seconds before, and breathed a sigh of relief. Harry’s phone sat on the side table next to the armchair. Eggsy leaned over to glance back into the kitchen--Harry was still fishing ice cubes from the freezer.

“Hey, Harry?” he called out as he crossed the space between the two chairs.

“Hmm?” he heard Harry reply.

“Got any snacks?” Eggsy picked up the phone, using the same succession of numbers he had used to hack into Harry’s computer. It only took one shot and he was in. Eggsy couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his lips as he listened to Harry bang around in the kitchen.

“Snacks?” Harry’s voice echoed through the house. “Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know, crisps? Nachos?” He heard Harry huff a small sound of annoyance. “Really, anything. Just something to nosh on.” Eggsy clicked Harry’s text message icon and quickly tapped on “New Message”. He started to type in Merlin’s name, but nothing came up. Squinting his eyes in frustration, he swiped out of the messages and went into Harry’s contacts. Under “Favorites”, he found his own name, the Kingsman tailor shop, and the name “Hamish”.  _ Worth a shot, _ he thought to himself.

“Will Doritos do?” The banging in the kitchen was getting less and less, and Eggsy knew his time was running out.

“Cool Ranch or regular?” He started typing “Hamish” into the New Message spot, and it immediately came up with an already started conversation. 

“Does it really fucking matter?”

“It absolutely matters. Which is it?” Eggsy’s fingers were now flying over the keys, his fingertips tapping manically against the screen.

                         -- _ My friend thinks ur cute _

_ (...) _

“I think I might have both…” he heard Harry mutter loudly as the sound of cabinets opening and closing once again resounded through the house.

_ What friend… _

_                           --Me _

_ (...) _

_                           --I’m the friend _

Eggsy heard Harry approaching the living room once more, the crinkle of a crisp bag making itself known. Eggsy quickly threw the phone back onto the table and rushed back to his seat, collapsing onto the tartan cushion and trying to look as innocent as possible. Harry emerged holding the two tumblers of whiskey and cradling a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in his arm. He placed his own tumbler down next to his phone and handed Eggsy his before tossing the crisp bag to him.

“Here are your fucking Doritos,” he said before collapsing into his chair.

“Cheers,” Eggsy said, raising his glass with a smirk. 

They sat in amicable silence as Eggsy shoved a few of the Doritos into his mouth. Over the crunch of the chips, he heard Harry’s phone ping. Heat immediately licked up the back of his neck as his palms sweat. He watched Harry closely, shoving a few more chips into his mouth. Looking through the line of his bifocal, Harry opened his phone and tapped the screen. Eggsy watched as Harry scanned the conversation, before choking on his sip of whiskey as his eyes became wide. Eggsy smirked.

Without saying a word, Harry clicked the phone shut, cleared his throat, and looked at Eggsy. “I hate to be a bother, but I think I’m going to turn in. Will you see yourself out?” 

Eggsy nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of Doritos. “Sure, Haz, no problem.” He took a sip of the whiskey as Harry rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Thanks for having me.” He stood up and wiped the Doritos dust from his fingers on the front of his jeans before heading towards the front door. He clapped a hand on Harry’s shoulder as he passed by, wishing him a goodnight before leaving.

* * *

A week after hanging out at Harry’s house, Eggsy saw both Harry and Merlin in the hallway of headquarters. He had just come from the mess hall, a steaming mug of tea in one hand, a mission report in the other, and a biscuit hanging from his mouth. As he turned the corner, he came upon the two older agents. They both looked quite smug, and Eggsy could swear that he saw a faint blush across Merlin’s sharp cheekbones. Tucking himself around a corner to avoid being seen, Eggsy watched them both.

The exchanges between Merlin and Harry weren’t lost on Eggsy, even though they were small and discreet. A hand to Merlin’s waist, Merlin actually smiling with his teeth...it was all rather sweet. Without using his hands, Eggsy chomped on the biscuit in his mouth and deftly used his tongue to maneuver it back in between his lips. Harry said something to Merlin, which elicited an actual bark of laughter from the handler.

The sound startled Eggsy, causing him to choke on the dry biscuit. He coughed loudly, pounding on his chest with a fist--crumpling the report in the process--as he tried to balance the mug of tea in his other hand. From his watering vision, he could see that he drew the attention of both Harry and Merlin. “Fuck,” he muttered, gulping in air as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Hello, Eggsy,” Harry said as he and Merlin approached. “Alright?”

Eggsy nodded, taking a sip of his tea before saying, “Yeah, thanks. You guys?”

“We’re quite well, thank you,” Harry murmured, and Eggsy didn’t miss the smile he gave Merlin. The blush that he saw early bloomed across Merlin’s cheeks, and Eggsy felt something warm pool in his gut. “We, ah, actually wanted to come over and thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?”

Merlin and Harry both gave him a withering stare, the slightest trace of amusement on Harry’s lips while Merlin’s remained in a rigid line. “I think you know for what.”

“Oh.”

“Yes,  _ oh.” _ Harry smiled warmly now, his hands in his pockets. “It looks like your annoying penchant for Doritos paid off.”

Eggsy grinned. “So my plan worked?”

“Yes, your stupid bloody plan worked,” Merlin interjected. Eggsy winked at him and Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Hey, anything for my two favorite people, yeah?” He took another sip of his tea, the awkwardness between the three of them lingering in the air.

“Well, Harry, we better get going if we’re going to make that meeting with Arthur,” Merlin finally said, gently touching Harry’s forearm. He nodded at Eggsy before turning on his heel and heading down the hall. 

Harry lingered in front of Eggsy, watching Merlin’s retreating figure. He turned back towards Eggsy, a contented smile on his face and a sparkle in his eye. “Really, though. Thank you.”

“It was nothing. You’d’ve done the same for me.” There was a pause before Eggsy smirked. “So, like, you guys did the deed? Sealed the deal? Bumped uglies?”

Harry closed his eyes for a moment, clearly trying to regain his composure. When he opened them, they were full of a warm fondness that was only reserved for Eggsy and his exasperating behavior. “Yes, Eggsy, we ‘did the deed’.”

Eggsy grinned. “Hey, good for you! Any good? Was it worth the wait?”

A pretty flush spread across Harry’s cheeks, but he couldn’t help smiling. “Very worth the wait. We spent most of the weekend locked in my house.”

Eggsy let out a bark of laughter before clapping Harry on the shoulder. “I knew it!” he crowed.

Harry lifted one of his large hands and brushed some biscuit crumbs off of Eggsy’s lapel. Warmth spread from his chest to his fingertips as he watched Harry’s gaze lift from his chest to his face. With the same fondness in his eyes, Harry leaned in towards Eggsy. Before Eggsy knew what was happening, Harry had pressed his lips against Eggsy’s cheek. Eggsy felt the breath leave his lungs as he watched Harry pull back, his eyelashes heavy on his cheeks as a dopey smile crossed his lips. 

“Merlin and I talked, and, you know, once we’ve had our fun, we wouldn’t mind including in you in some of the, ah... _ festivities. _ If you wanted to, of course.”

Eggsy stammered, his eyes widening with each second. “Uh, yeah? I think? I mean, you’re both fit as fuck. Are you sure? Merlin won’t cut my head off and then eat my body like a praying mantis?”

Harry laughed out loud at this, causing Merlin to stop and turn back towards them. Eggsy glanced at him nervously. 

“No, Merlin will not consume you like some kind of sacrifice. He actually shares quite nicely, when it isn’t biscuits or popcorn. Think about it. We don’t need an answer right now.” With that, Harry winked at Eggsy. “Have a good day, Eggsy.” 

Eggsy watched as Harry walked away from him, his mouth hanging agape. Despite the steamroller effect Harry’s words had on him, he couldn’t help the warm feeling in his chest as he watched Harry casually slide his hand along Merlin’s waist, only to have Merlin lay a protective arm across Harry’s shoulders. He admired the line of Harry’s suit, the round pertness of his arse cheeks, and the broadness of Merlin’s shoulders in his navy blue jumper. 

_ Totally worth being eaten for,  _ Eggsy decided, smiling into his mug of tea. 

 


End file.
